The Truth About Soulmates

By | January 20, 2017

I get so many letters from people who want to find their soulmates. They are lonely, afraid, tired of being single, tired of the dating scene. Some of them are in unhappy relationships and know that their current partner is not their soulmate. But how do you find your true soulmate in this big, crowded world? Before you gather a search party and head out the door, you might want to consider a few things.

Why do you want to find your soulmate?

That sounds like a dumb question, but really, ask yourself that. What will finding your soulmate do for you? Will he or she make you happy? If your answer is Yes — think again.

It’s not anyone else’s job to make us happy. Sure, the people in our lives can often add to our level of happiness, or detract from it. But if we are pinning our hopes for a happy, fairy tale life on finding that one “perfect” person out there, we are setting ourselves up for failure.

No one is perfect, including your soulmate. He or she will not come riding into your life, wave a magic wand and turn everything to gold. All of the problems and unhappiness you have in your life right now, you will still have once your soulmate arrives. But then you will have the added complication of his or her problems and struggles too.

Are you the person your soulmate is looking for?

Are you happy with your career, your body, your home, your job, your car, your friends and family relationships? If you can honestly answer yes to this question, good for you. You are being who you genuinely are, and THAT is the person your soulmate is looking for.

However, if you are still struggling to find yourself, or grow more fully into who you were meant to be, it’s likely that your soulmate wouldn’t even recognize you if they arrived on your doorstep right now – or worse, they wouldn’t be attracted to you. You can’t expect another person to “complete” you. If you are not complete already, your soulmate (provided that he or she is already complete themselves) will look the other way. That’s too much pressure, being expected to make someone else whole.

Really think about this: imagine meeting a person who fell madly in love with you and swore you were the one for them, BUT – the other person was looking to YOU to solve all their problems. He or she might have massive debt, or be an addict, or have low self-esteem and insecurities.

Sounds like Mr. Right, right? No!

Okay, maybe you don’t have addictions or massive debt. But is everything about yourself what you want it to be? If not, you might want to get moving on resolving those things BEFORE your soulmate arrives. 😉

How’s your patience?

Too many people think that finding their soulmate means finding someone who will never challenge them, frustrate them or disappoint them.

WRONG! That could not be further from the truth. Remember that life is about learning and growing, and that includes our relationships. Your soulmate will not be someone who bends over backwards to cater to your every desire. He or she will not smooth the path before you so you don’t stub your toe. That’s not their job. Nor is it your job to do so for them, no matter how much you might want to. Would you really be serving their growth if you solved all their problems? Probably not.

I realize it seems like I’m painting a very grim picture of soulmates, and I don’t mean to do that.

Finding your soulmate is the most amazing experience you will ever have. You will fall head over heels in love so fast that it will take your breath away. You won’t believe your good fortune that this beautiful creature actually loves you back. You will float among the clouds for the first few months, or even years, and each day will seem like a miracle. The sunshine will look softer, the air will smell sweeter, and your heart will beat in sync with this gorgeous person who will share the rest of your life.

At the same time, your soulmate will test you in ways you never dreamed possible.

Your patience, your compassion and understanding, your tenacity. All of it will be stretched to the breaking point. Life’s little irritations will rear up and test your ability to not take it out on your partner. You will have days where one or both of you are irritable and uncommunicative. You will have disagreements, misunderstandings and hurt feelings. You will have days where you want to tear your hair out and scream with frustration. No matter how much you might want a perfect life with a perfect mate, it simply doesn’t exist.

Still, is it worth it?

Yes, a thousand times yes. I found my soulmate seven years ago. We are still together, and probably will be forever. Does he test my patience? More than you can ever imagine. I probably test his patience too. In fact, I know I do. Do we love each other with everything in our hearts and souls? Yes. We’re best friends. But even best friends have their moments of exasperation. 😉

Some of you are probably thinking, “Okay great, my life is in order, I’m happy with myself and my situation, and I’d love to find a decent man (or woman) to share it with. But how do I find him/her?”

There are dozens of possible answers to that question, but I’m going to share what worked for me.

1) Stop Looking.

I’m serious. The way the Law of Abundance works, if you focus on lack, you will create more lack. Instead, try focusing on what you do have, and create more joy, more abundance, more happiness for yourself. Begin the process of knowing that you will be okay, even if your soulmate never shows up. It’s a process, so it may take some time to be in full acceptance of this mindset.

In my own experience, I decided that there really wasn’t a man out there for me. All I was meeting were men who mistreated me, and I finally decided I’d rather be single. I forgot about trying to find Mr. Right, and instead focused on making myself happy. I succeeded too. I can honestly say that I was in full acceptance that I could live my life as a single woman, and be very happy doing it.

2) Affirm What You Want.

At the same time you are fully accepting your singleness, affirm to the universe what you really want, but do so with ZERO EXPECTATIONS. You can say something along the lines of, “I desire to find a kind, loving, mature partner to share my life with, and I know that he/she will appear in my life at exactly the right moment.”

Then let go of the outcome. Trust that the universe wants what you want, but remember that right now may not be the right time. Let go, and let it happen when it wants to, in the way it wants to.

In the meantime, all that affection you would be showering on your lover? Shower it on yourself. Treat yourself as if you were your own best friend. You really are. 🙂

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